I Don't Know Why I Am the Way I Am...
I made a blunder earlier this week which led to Jeff and I having a long talk about how these blunders and lack of change affect his trust in me. He's alone. He depressed. He's losing more and more trust in me (though it might be completely gone now). THEN... *sigh* then I made another, bigger blunder, last night. It just... It feels like there isn't any coming back from this. I forgot. Then misunderstood. But isn't that the story of my life? The road to Hell is paved with good intentions and I'm the foreman of this project. Now, when these things happen, I always think of the nice chef's knife I got for Christmas. I think about how sharp it is. I don't think I want to die. But I do think about harming myself. I think about that sharp blade going through my wrist. Not slitting, just going right through. Just laying my hand on the counter and, because it's so nice and sharp, I imagine pushing that knife right through the skin and muscle. Last night was t...